Behind Those Eyes
by Professor Steinmetz
Summary: I found him, Professor Dumbledore tried to pull me away, but I still saw everything. I close my eyes and the images are burned into my head. I died inside when I saw him, and this is the story that ended my sanity.


"Hermione, You need to go through everything that happened in Professor Snape's last day. Don't rush or skip over anything, just go through all of it and tell us everything that happened."

"O-o-kay, I-I just n-ne-need ... ca-calm down b-bi-bit."

"Take all the time in the world, just state everything as it happened, from your point of view."

She nodded and tired to pick up her cup of tea, but her hands were shaking so much she spilled it all over herself and dropped the cup on the floor. It shattered as the tried to pick it up.

"Madam Pomfrey, could you give her a calming drought before we administer the Veriatserum, it's the best way we can recover her memories. She's too shaken up to remember much in this state."

"Alright then, I just don't think we should put the poor girl through this again."

"Madam Pomfrey, just do as you are ordered." Hermione was then given both a calming drought and Veriatserum. "Hermione Jane Granger, please detail the events surrounding Professor Snape's last day, starting from the end of your Potions class."

* * *

I finished stirring my potion and added the last few leaves before turning down the flame, just as the directions state to. I looked to my side to see how Ron and Harry were doing, Ron had somehow created a green murky substance that gave off a horrid smell. Harry's potion was very close, it was cloudy blue instead of the clear, vibrant blue the textbook called for. I had to squint a bit to get a better look, but I'd swear that a slightly yellow mist was rising from Harry's potion. I then squinted at Ron's potion as well, no mist was drifting from his as far I could tell. So I pushed the thought of the mist to the back of my mind and focused instead on the potion and remembering the last half turn to get the clearness necessary for full potency.

'_No one knows what its like, to be the bad man, to be the sad man._' Why did those words seem to ring in my head? I was unsure so I looked up at Professor Snape. He was stalking around the room, telling students how bad their potions were. He was right in front of me and when I looked up at him, he only sneered. No comment on my potion, no matter how perfect it was, he just wouldn't tell me that.

'_And no one knows what its like, to be hated, to be fated, to telling only lies._' I bottled up my potion, wondering why these words were popping into my head. Why was he in I head? So I stole a glance up at him when I placed her potion on his desk. He looked paler than normal, his greasy hair just hanging around his face. I wondered if it was just my imagination, or if his robes looked looser on him, as if they were hanging on bones?

'_But my dreams, they aren't as empty, as my conscience seems to be_' "Miss Granger. Stay after class. I have something to discuss with you." He was cruel, snarky, and most of all, a spy. He was a former Death Eater, why would he have dreams? He has been cursed with the cards fate dealt him. I nodded and went back to my desk to clean up my work station.

'_I have hours, only lonely, my love is vengeance' _"What's with Snape today? He's even worse than usual." Ron whispered to me as he bottled the murky green substance that was supposed to be a clear vibrant blue.

'_That's never free' _"I don't know Ron. I'll meet you and Harry at DADA. Professor Snape wants to speak with me after class." Harry then opened his mouth in protest, "No, I won't try to get out of it. Just explain to Professor Tonks why I'm late." They both were quiet and Harry bottled up his cloudy blue potion.

'_No one knows what its like, to feel these feelings, like I do, and I blame you!'_ The class let out and students left, some pausing to put their things away slowly, others running to catch up with friends. Chatter filled the corridor as silence filled the room. I put her things in my book bag, and walked up to Professor Snape.

'_No one bites back as hard, on their anger' _That line didn't seem true at all. Professor Snape was cruel to everyone. It's not possible for him to have any more cruelty left, he can't have more anger hidden away. "You wanted to speak with me Professor?" When will these words stop entering my head? When did he get to be so pale? His skin was no longer pasty white, it was ashy white. Like paper after it has been burnt and all that's left are off-white fragments of ash. I was confused as to why I couldn't stop thinking about Professor Snape.

'_None of my pain and woe, can show through'_ "Yes, Miss Granger." He sneered at me, it seemed like it was taking more effort for him to do this though. Why? "It seems as if my class can no longer hold your attention." He was staring at me. What was he hiding behind those black eyes? Why was he staring at me so intently. Did he ask me a question? No, it was a statement. I should answer anyways, right? I then opened her mouth to explain, "Well, Professor, you see-"

'_No one knows what its like, to be mistreated, to be defeated_' The words, why do they keep popping in my head?! What is wrong with me? I couldn't find the words to explain that these words were popping into my head without my control. "Spit it out Miss Granger. Neither one of us have all day for you to explain why you cannot find it within reason to pay attention in class." He leaned forward a bit and paled even more. His skin tone went from ashy white to just ashen.I needed to control my thoughts and reply to Professor Snape.

'_No one knows how to say, that they're sorry and don't worry' _"Professor? Are you alright? Your ashen." **Why did I say that?! He was going to kill me for sure! Stupid girl, stupid, stupid girl.** How could I not keep my mouth shut? Wait a moment, he wasn't biting my head off with that sharp tongue of his. In fact, he looked a bit… relieved? He sat down very slowly in his chair.

'_I'm not telling lies'_ "Miss Granger." He sighed, he sounded like he was tired and in pain. How long has this been going on? "I need you to go to Professor Dumbledore's office and inform him that a new Potions Master will be needed soon." My mind blanked out for a moment. "Miss Granger, as much as this pains me to say this. Please, do this for me." I then nodded very stiffly and ran.

I ran as fast as I could, but my thoughts were running faster. A _new_ Potions Master? What does he mean by that? As a substitute, or as in a replacement? Was he sick? Did Voldemort hurt him badly at the last Death Eater meeting? To think of it, when was the last rally? Did Harry know anything about this? No, he would have told Ron and I, but then again, he had been distancing himself for a while until he realized that neither one of us would allow it to happen. Still, could he have known about Professor Snape getting hurt and not told anyone?

I stopped in her tracks just before Professor Dumbledore's door. My mind just thought of something different and darker, something wrong and horrible. He couldn't, he wouldn't… not with the war going on. He was to valuable in this war, he was their spy. He is also human, I reminded herself. Humans can do some horrible things when pushed to the limit. He has been pushed, Voldemort torturing him, Dumbledore not being of much help either, everyone with a brain knew he was manipulative. Students who hated him everyday, it was bound to become to much soon. He couldn't… I have to stop him. I had to let him know. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened before he knew how I felt, and I promised myself that I wouldn't tell him until after I graduated. I had to help him, but first, I needed to let Dumbledore know what was happening.

The stone gargoyle jumped out of the way as I ran up the stairs to his office, I pounded on the door and was let in to slowly for my liking. Dumbledore looked up at me and his blue eyes lost their usual twinkle once he saw how frazzled and scared I must have looked. "Professor Dumbledore! Professor Snape sent me, he told me to tell you that you will need a new Potions Master soon." There was a pause, neither one of us was sure what the other was thinking, I noted that the words stopped popping into my head, was that something I should be worried about? "Professor, I think something is very wrong. Professor Snape looks as if he is in terrible pain and hiding it. I think he needs help." With that, I ran back out, too intent on helping Professor Snape to realize until later that Dumbledore was following me.

Out of breath, I arrived at the dungeons, right outside Professor Snape's classroom. I stood there for a moment, suddenly unsure if I should open the door, knock, or leave. What if my assumptions were wrong? Professor Snape would be very angry with me for thinking he could ever stoop so low as to... I can't even form that word in my head it terrifies me so. I saw Professor Dumbledore catching up to me, I then decided to be polite and at least knock. I rapped my knuckles against the door. It echoed throughout the corridor. I then waited in the silence as Professor Dumbledore ran up to me. I was very worried. What happened to Professor Snape? What if he really went through with it? What if he was hurt too badly to answer the door? The possibilities ran endless through my mind.

Professor Dumbledore opened the door and I pushed through ahead of him, forgetting all politeness and just focusing on the panic building up inside of me. I stopped in my tracks as the sight of the room hit me. My brain was trying to process what had happened, and what was happening.

The dungeons were cold, everyone knew that, but why was it so very cold right now? My eyes couldn't decide what to focus on. There was too much. Too much... why… why did this happen? Professor Dumbledore grabbed me and covered my eyes, but it was too late. The image was burned into my mind. Even now, when I close my eyes at night to sleep. I see it all, the blood on the floor, the scrap of parchment on the desk, and slumped back in the chair, was Professor Snape. His usual teaching robes were discarded and he had been wearing what used to be a white button down shirt and black trousers. The sleeves of that white shirt were stained red. What bit of pale skin showed from that white shirt was heavily bruised. His neck had purple finger marks on it, and his face.... That expression… he was so desperate to be free of this war. He was now free. He had been trapped in life, so in death he was free.

I pulled away from Professor Dumbledore, the sight was already in my brain, why put it off anymore? I walked slowly towards the desk. Some part of me hoped beyond belief that he was still alive, that his chest would rise and fall, but his chest didn't move. Not a single part of him even twitched. I looked away from the body of my former Professor, and at the desk instead. The blade was there, ironic, my mind noted later, once I could form coherent thought, it was the same blade he used to chop up ingredients for his potions. Silver, he was killed by a silver blade, the same thing that would kill a werewolf, which is what Snape feared the most. Werewolves… **Stop it!** My mind ordered, I couldn't think. Nothing made sense. Why was he dead? Why did he kill himself? Did he kill himself? Or was it murder?

There was the scrap of parchment on his desk. I moved closer to it, and him, so I could read it. '_No one knows what its like, to be the bad man, to be the sad man._' Those words. Those words I heard earlier, were the exact same ones written on this piece of parchment. My heart froze, my head hurt, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I wanted to scream, to run, to do something, but not a single muscle would move for me. It was a terror I had never felt before, even in this war, with death everywhere, I never felt so scared and powerless as I did then. Professor Dumbledore walked up to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I jumped back from him, landed in a puddle of blood and fell. My hand broke my fall, but I now had Professor Snape's blood on me. Why was there so much blood? One man can't have bleed so much in such a short period of time. The scream that was held back became released once I realized that I was in a puddle of Professor Snape's blood. I couldn't focus anymore, he was dead. He was dead. Those three words just ran through my head as everything around me went dark.

* * *

"Alright, we have all our information. Severus Snape was not murdered, it was a suicide, and apparently he tried in his last moments to reach out to Miss Hermione Granger in hopes that she could find some way to save his life."

"So all charges against her and Dumbledore are dropped then?"

"You heard it all from her own lips, under Veritaserum. She told the truth, she was in love with her professor, he was a spy for our side, and she went to get Dumbledore in hopes that they could save Severus Snape."

"She was in love with **_Snape_**? What was wrong with her? Hermione is the smartest witch of her age. Now because of his death, she can't even form a proper sentence without the help of potions."

"Yes, I know Percy. It's a shame to see such a great mind lost at such a vital time in the war."

"Minister, do you think there is anyway to save her sanity?"

"I'm afraid not, unless... Dumbledore, do you have any tricks up your sleeve?" The Minister turned to Dumbledore in hope.

"I'm afraid not, the only person who could help her mind, is the same one that broke it with his death. I'm afraid we just have to wait and hope it heals in time." He turned towards her, the potions had worn off and she was now curled up in the hospital bed, her arms around her knees, brown hair a mess and her brown eyes unfocused. She started rocking back and forth, chanting something to herself, she was a true example of insanity. "Such a great mind, it's so horrible that two great minds have been lost today." He shook his head and escorted the Minister and Percy out.

"I could have saved him... I should have saved him... He can't be dead... He can't be dead..." Poppy walked over to Hermione and placed a hand on an unresponsive shoulder.

"I'm sorry dearie, we all should have saved him. None of us could see his pain though."


End file.
